AFLW Fans Unfiltered

This season we created a hashtag on Twitter to combat the negativity aimed at AFLW. #WhyWeLoveAFLW is being used to show the support that is out there for the players and the staff who are constantly challenged by cruel, mean, horrible, demeaning, degrading and downright misogynistic disgraceful comments sent their way. We are trying to counteract the negativity with positive messages of love and support and share our reasons why we love this sport and the players so much.

An initiative brought in by AFL Women’s this season has been a series called ‘Unfiltered’ where players answer thought provoking questions in front of a camera, answering honestly, openly and obviously, unfiltered.

A few of us AFLW fans have decided to give the questions a go and share the honesty and thought provoking answers to these questions. Below are my responses.

Nikki Clare – Unfiltered:

• Is failing ever an option? In an ideal world you would say no, but in failing the biggest success can come from it. You need to learn those lessons to allow you to appreciate the success.
• When have you felt the most vulnerable? There’s been several moments in my life. The first one was when I made the decision to move to Queensland when I was 25. I left my family and friends network behind and went in without any idea of what was in store. The other being my IVF journey. It really is like opening up a wound and every time it starts to heal you break it wide open again with each try. It’s an emotional roller coaster and so much uncertainty. You’re at the mercy of doctors, science, medication and hormonal breakdowns. Whilst I was one of the unlucky ones who didn’t have success after 6 years of trying and 9 attempts, I learned that I am more resilient than I gave myself credit for. But probably the most vulnerable I’ve been is when I came out. I’m an only child and discovering my sexuality 20 odd years ago was very daunting. It wasn’t something that was discussed much in our household and I can categorically tell you it’s definitely not a case of nature versus nurture to those who suggest people choose their sexuality. My parents are a bit old school and telling them their only child was gay is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It wasn’t the easiest part of my life and looking back that was the catalyst as to why I chose to move to Qld for as long as I did. I basically ran away for 7 years. Mum and dad love me and accept me for who I am but at the time it was a strain on mine and mum’s relationship. She felt that she failed as a parent and I felt like I had failed as their only offspring. But with time and education and learning we are the best of friends and my sexuality is no longer a significant factor.
• What would I tell my 8 year old self? I’d tell my 8 year old self that the bullying you’ll suffer will help create this resilience and not to fear those who hurt you, that it says more about them than you. You’ll be amazed how much stronger you are because of it. Them bullying you stopped them from hurting someone else who may not have been as strong as you are. And you will pass on your wisdom of the experience to help others overcome their own bullying torment.
• Biggest sacrifices made? When I moved to Queensland to be with my partner, now very ex partner, I left everything I ever knew behind. My family, my beloved Nanook, friends, way of life, my comfort zone. Jen was already living up there with her family and friend network so she didn’t have to adjust like I did. 7 years I was without my own network. It was a very lonely and challenging time. Especially when I only got to see my family for no more than 4 days at Christmas or at a funeral or wedding. And when the relationship ended and I learned she had been unfaithful. Sporting wise growing up, my sports were played during the week Wednesday, Tuesday or Friday so it didn’t interfere with Dad’s commitment to the Melbourne Football Club. Netball, Basketball, Indoor Cricket, all played on a weeknight.
• Who is the most powerful woman in your life? No question it’s my mum. I grew up between both grandparent’s houses because mum and dad worked so my Nanas had a big influence on me also. Nana Clare taught me how to read at age 5 reading Banjo Patterson poetry and fairy tales, to stand by your beliefs and convictions whilst Nana Sudomlak taught me how to cook, be compassionate and kind to others no matter how they treat you. But mum, she is an amazing soul. I lucked out with this one. Even when she had her battle with bowel cancer 3 years ago, that saw her shed over 20kg in less than 3 months, she maintained her positive attitude and still was thinking about everyone else other than herself. She is my best friend, my confidant, my reality check and my mum all rolled into one.
• Is equality within reach? Well, it’s still a very long way off. The misogyny around women’s sport and equal pay is instant proof of this. We have come a long way from when women weren’t allowed to do many things like vote, play sport, work, speak for themselves. But we still have a bloody long way to go. I’d like to think I’ll see it happen in my lifetime.
• Any regrets in your journey? I’d be lying if I said no regrets. Knowing when to walk away when your gut instincts tell you it’s time to go. That’s my biggest regret. But you learn from every situation.
• What did the ‘Yes’ vote mean to you? The day the Yes vote was announced I was at work. When the news came on the radio, I went and sat by the radio waiting to hear the result, a coworker came and sat beside me and we listened. No one else was really paying attention but she could see what it meant to me. I held my breath when they announced the verdict. When they said the country had voted in favour for Marriage Equality I burst into tears and she hugged me. It was a moment I’ll never forget. It felt that, for the most part, we belong. There wasn’t going to be anyone telling us we were lesser human beings because of our sexuality anymore. Not legally anyway.
• What does being a woman mean to you? I never really thought about it. It means to face more challenges along the way because we are challenged by society so often. We must rise above these challenges and still be considered the compassionate and kinder of the two sexes. Being a woman can be anything, a leader, a nurturer, a protagonist, a carer. I think it simply means to be human with a helluva lot of oestrogen and progesterone running through us.
• What do you say to people who rubbish women’s sport? My answer is simple, you’re a minority now. Women’s sport is on the rise daily and it will outgrow you and leave you wallowing in your own outdated, misogynistic narrow minded views as we leave you behind.
• Can you remember a time when you challenged the status quo? I sure can, when I was 10/11 playing footy in 1988/89 and when I captained my high school’s first ever all girl’s footy team in 1995. I’m still challenging things now, but not as important as those two times from memory.
• What does it mean to be loved?  Magical. It’s something that is hard to explain. The best feeling in the world is to love and to be loved in return. It’s part of the journey of life. Hopefully I can find this magic again one day.
• What do you hope for future women and girls? That they get to live in a society where it isn’t a constant uphill battle for them when there is something they want to pursue in life. Careers, sports, education, opportunities, that if they are qualified or passionate enough about it, that will be enough for them to be given the opportunity to make their dreams come true.